Craven Lawn Tennis Club

   

For Your Amusement
 

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Reflecting on the membership’s intent to have fun,
 this page is a paste board for matters humorous.

We welcome further (publishable) suggestions for this page.
Please send your pictures, or bon mots, to:
                            Webmaster@craventennis.org.uk.

To err is human. To put the blame on someone else is doubles.

Age has no bearing on your tennis game. It just keeps you from winning.

A tennis player went to the doctor because he heard music whenever he played. The physician cured him by removing his headband.

A middle management executive has to take on some sport, by his doctor's orders, so he decides to play tennis. After a couple of weeks his secretary asks him how he's doing. "It's going fine, " the manager says. "When I'm on the court and I see the ball speeding towards me, my brain immediately says, 'To the corner! Back hand! To the net! Smash! Go back!'" "Really? What happens then?" the secretary asks. "Then my body says, 'Who? Me? You must be kidding!'"

 

Q: What do you serve but not eat?

A: A Tennis Ball.

 

Q: Why should you never fall in love with a tennis player?
A: To them, "Love" means nothing.

 

While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing no one around it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.

Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing,
waiting for the lights to change. A blonde girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts.

"What's that?" she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust. "Tennis ball," came the breathless reply."Oh," said the blonde sympathetically, "that must be painful.... I had tennis elbow once."

 

The Tennis Player's Prayer

Please don't let me be so nervous
When I toss the ball for service.

Give me speed and strength unhaulting,
Aces and no double-faulting.

Instill in me the skill and dash
Of Agassiie, Williams, Roddick and Ashe.

When a high lob starts to fall,
Must I always miss the ball?

Lord, I know you could, I'm sure,
Find me a Tennis Elbow cure.

With the guidance from above,
Never let me fall in 'love.'

And, Lord, while on matters of this sort
Please let me find an open court!!

 

 

 

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